Time: 23:37
Weather: Clear
Topic: Life, health, site updates
Content warning: Discussions of weight and body image
When I made this site I saw a lot of others which hadn't been updated in a long time, over 3 months usually. I remember thinking I'd like to make frequent updates so my site wouldn't stay dormant like that, but in the end that's what happened. Neocities takes a lot of focus and time, even for little diary entries, compared to other things I do. And it also requires change within my life, I think. My life has been really dull lately so there hasn't been much to talk about. It's just been a lot of job searching.
That has finally ended, by the way. I won't go into specifics as I like to avoid being too identifiable here, but it's a good fit considering what I've done before. It's also a lot more than I expected I'd get in terms of pay. The job search was very tough on me for a lot of reasons. I'm so relieved to have finally landed something that even discussing it feels like I'm going to jinx it. Freedom is so tangible for me now.
I'm really looking forward to doing interior design. I've had to put all my stuff in a single room while living in my childhood home and it's been so difficult to manage. I'm excited to do some DIY and have more space. I like gothic decor but not in the sense of modern goth style. To be honest, I hate the standard goth home decor style. I feel like it's way too reflective of micro-trends and the pieces themselves just kind of tend to have random spooky motifs tacked on without consideration of the piece's versatility or longevity. My inspiration tends to come more from museums in my area more than anything. A lot of them are just victorian homes that have been preserved.
Though landing the job did mean finally having to bite the bullet and get more clothes. I've had a lot of weight gain over the past couple years. I've been able to wear the same size for a long time but with this past year, I've had to replace a large part of my wardrobe. I suspect the issue is going on an antidepressant and PCOS. Without getting too TMI or into the medical details, PCOS can cause insulin resistance which in turn can cause weight gain. My bloodwork two years ago was already borderline for medication so I suspect that's what's been causing this.
I've talked a lot on here about how I love fashion. Part of my change in wardrobe lately has been due to a style shift. I've been going more for monochrome and dark looks. In 2022 when I started this site my wardrobe was all pink and white. But now I wear black and white almost exclusively. I've gotten some pieces from ililil's crow collection which I think is a good indicator of my current style. I'm also drawing from goth fashion and putting my spin on it. (Side tangent: I have no idea what to actually call the fashion style that ililil sells. I've seen mizuiro kei, tenshi kaiwai, cyber, y3k, and sabukaru all tossed around. And ililil themselves call it sabukaru.) But even with the shift in style, there's so many pieces I've had to put in storage that I'd love to still wear. I thrift most of my clothes and get very attached to them. So it's been hard having to let go of them.
I'm going to be doing a little site overhaul soon. I want some better icons and a different home page. It's a little more cluttered than I'd like and way too wordy. I want a lot more images everywhere. No plans to change the layout itself, though. I still like it and the consistency it brings across the site. I won't worry about fixing the broken images for now since they'll all be getting replaced. The main thing I'm unsure about is if I want to switch the accent color from purple to red. Red is actually my favorite color and has been for a long time. I'm not a big fan of purple compared to many others. But red is also one of the most difficult colors to design around, in my opinion. Balancing it and making it not look too dull or too overwhelming is hard.