Time: 22:50
Topic: Life, HRT, Fashion
This was the month from hell. Until it settled down. I feel like any time my life gets a semblance of stability, something comes to mess it up. I moved out in August and was finding a really good routine... Until at the start of this month some guy ran a red light and caused me to crash my car. I'm okay, just sustained some bruises on my knees and was all wound up from the physical stress. Thankfully everything turned out okay and I was able to buy a new car. The old one was done for. (RIP. I do have the owner's manual to remember it by at least).
After that there were some other things that were stressful at work. Though I do feel I've finally built a good rapport with my coworkers. I think I can be a bit annoying or off putting, especially at first. But we've started to get along and have some deeper conversations about life, interests, and things that aren't strictly work related. I don't want to share every part of myself at work. But I want to be able to get along with the people I spend 40 hours a week with.
I felt a lot of doomerism at the beginning of the month, but now things are starting to resolve. I spent Thanksgiving alone which was good for me. I was able to disconnect from the drama and stress of family. I cooked but I don't really like traditional Thanksgiving food much (minus sweet potato pie) so it was just a normal meal. Though I did make some spiced apple cider and chai tea. Haven't tried the cider yet, but the chai tea is the recipe I always use.
I started my HRT on telehealth which was good for being able to get access quickly. But next week I'll be able to see someone in person which is great for long term. The DEA expanded regulations for telehealth due to Covid which allowed controlled substances to be prescribed without an in-person appointment. But that was a temporary expansion and is pretty dicey when it comes to long term access. Some pharmacies also haven't updated their systems and are going off older DEA regulations that required one in person visit per year. So even if it's legal to fill the prescription, the pharmacists can't do it if they want to keep their jobs. TLDR: I need to get to an in person doc if I want to maintain my HRT access. Things are just too shaky with the DEA right now.
With HRT the main thing I've wanted is faster changes. I've seen people who have a serious voice drop in just a couple months but mine has barely changed. I'm very, very ready for a higher dose. I was scared at first that the changes would be too sudden, but I've found it's the opposite really. I am still happy with what's happened. Mainly my energy is higher and I feel in such a better space mentally. Also some TMI stuff I may share here if I'm in a different mood in future. But all of the changes have been mental rather than physical.
One thing that's been a big barrier for me is injections though. I have never been scared of needles. I've gotten my ears pierced and a body piercing without issue. I really want to do play piercings or a piercing photoshoot one day. I also have to get my blood drawn regularly. Usually I stare at it as it happens because it makes me feel more comfortable. But injections have always freaked me out. The more I have to inject, the more scared I get of them. It's been a big mental weight. I'm hoping with my in person appointment I can switch to gel or patches.
Final topic is fashion updates. I have a really well built cyber/サブカル wardrobe now and I'm so happy! I feel like when I go out I always look obviously alternative and well dressed. I've been building my wardrobe since January 2023 if I go based on my receipt dates. I don't want to post photos of myself, but maybe I'll draw a wardrobe section for this site with my different coords. The next thing I really want to invest in are less pieces and more body modification. I can't have facial piercings at my work. I want an eyebrow piercing and paired vertical upper lip piercings. But I don't have the anatomy for the eyebrow and, again, not permitted at work. Ear piercings are fair game though! I have seen some people with nose piercings, but I don't really like that style on me, as cute as it is on others.
I pared down my wardrobe a lot recently. I also sorted into distinct sections for cyber, girly kei, and work clothes. I bought a lot of random things as I explored my style but I feel I understand exactly what I want now and can be intentional with what I buy. My worst enemy is good thrift deals. I run across so many items that are high quality or very expensive new and I find it hard to pass them up. But I'm trying to force myself to understand that just because it's a good deal doesn't mean it fits in my wardrobe.