Return

Written 4/22/2023
Contains major spoilers for Dramatical Murder and Re:Connect
Trigger Warning: Mentions of abuse, rape, sexual assault

This article is half a diary entry, half an examination of Aoba from Dramatical Murder. By now you’ve probably picked up on the fact that my response as a reader is key to how I write reviews. I have always found fiction to be a deeply personal thing. Relatability is by no means the only method through which I examine texts, but it is an element that produces an affective experience for me. As I discuss Aoba’s psychology here, I’ll be looking at him through three angles. One will be from a Freudean perspective (id, ego, and superego), the second as a representation of dissociative identity disorder, and the third a look into my own experiences and nostalgia for Dramatical Murder. Ultimately, I’ll argue for why he’s an interesting character worth remembering after all this time.

1. Id, ego, and superego
Despite my hatred for Freud, we will need to discuss him a little. The basic conflict of Aoba’s psychology hinges on Freud’s concept of the id, ego, and superego. The id represents a person’s uninhibited self, desires, and instinct. It governs the hidden conscience and memories. The superego is the moral self as influenced by societal norms and stands in opposition to the id. The ego mediates between the two, finding a way to indulge in passions without overstepping moral boundaries.

For those familiar with Dramatical Murder, the connections to Aoba will be clear. Aoba’s self is split into three parts given the names Reason, Desire, and Restraint. Reason is the Aoba players embody for the majority of the game: the superego. Reason fears Desire and rejects the feelings coming from him. Desire is the id, experiencing uninhibited sexuality and destructive impulses. In the past when Desire was in full control, he overstepped boundaries and harmed their collective consciousness. Notably, Reason experiences dissociative amnesia while Desire retains full awareness of memory and consciousness. Finally, there’s Restraint. He aims to mediate between the two, steering Reason towards a moral path that will still make him happy.

For Aoba’s characterization to be based on Freud’s ideas would not make him particularly unique. Neither would the possibility of looking at him through that lens. However, Aoba goes beyond this framework and mixes it with concepts of dissociative identity disorder.

2. Dissociative identity disorder
To reframe what has already been discussed, Aoba is a collective name for his system. Reason (called Aoba from here on) is the host while Desire and Restraint (called Ren from here on) are members of his system. At first glance, Desire appears to be nothing more than a stereotypical hostile alter. Desire intrudes on Aoba’s life and causes him pain and fear. However, upon further examination, Dramatical Murder sets up this stereotype with the goal to refute it.

Within real cases of DID, alters do not always take direct control to express themselves. There is also passive influence, manifestations of emotions, desires, and thoughts coming from another alter. In the case of Aoba, Desire does not fully switch except in exceedingly stressful situations. Most of the time he asserts passive influence through speaking in Aoba’s mind and making his feelings known.

Desire’s true role in the system is revealed when examining the times he does fully switch with Aoba. Each time is a moment of extreme stress and fear. Let’s look at the first few instances of switching as an example. When Noiz challenges Aoba to a sudden Rhyme battle, he does so with the limits of Rhyme turned off. Losing the fight could cause Aoba serious pain. He is panicked and does not know how to fight. However, once the situation becomes dire, Desire switches in and wins the fight. The switch is caused because Aoba needs protection. Later Mink, knowing of Desire, attempts to force him out through sexual assault. He succeeds at this. Once Aoba has become too stressed and fearful to handle the situation, he dissociates and Desire steps in for protection.

Throughout Dramatical Murder this situation of switching for protection becomes the norm. It is not always 100% consistent. For example, in Virus and Trip’s ending where Aoba experiences extreme sexual abuse, Desire does not switch in. However, there are other endings where Desire does switch. One ending unfortunately brings ambivalence to the nuance and care of Desire’s characterization. In Koujaku’s bad ending, Aoba is struck with guilt and retreats into his own mind. Desire then takes over as the host. This matches the pattern of Desire as protective but it is marred somewhat by what Desire does. As the new host, he abuses Koujaku and harms others. Desire is not the evil alter trope per se but he is treated as a dangerous force who may abuse others.

Aside from depictions of Aoba in Dramatical Murder, Dramatical Murder Re:Connect is special for how it displays the formation of Aoba’s system. Since Aoba was born he was a subject of human experimentation and harmful treatment. He was abandoned by those around him and became detached from the world. He stops speaking to others and begins to retreat internally. In other words, due to his trauma he begins dissociating. Desire expresses a protective instinct in these early days of Aoba’s life. He encourages Aoba to stay away from others and trust nobody. This is an understandable course of action considering Aoba’s main contact with other people has been abuse and violation of his human rights. Ren completes the dynamic by serving as a gatekeeper and protector. He attempts to prevent Desire from fronting and encourages Aoba to reach out to other people despite his fears.

Over time as Aoba represses, ignores, forgets, and fears Desire, the reason he is an, “evil alter,” becomes clear. Desire is attempting to serve a protective function for Aoba. His increasingly hostile attitude is a result of fear and abandonment. Every member of Aoba’s system deeply fears abandonment due to traumatic childhood experiences. To be forgotten and ignored by the two people who should always know and care for him- Aoba and Ren- left Desire in pain. The true ending of the game involves Aoba fully accepting Desire and acknowledging him as a protector.

Overall, it’s a dynamic that is surprisingly nuanced. Typical depictions of DID in media lack understanding of system roles, grounding in psychological theory, and are sensationalized. Fundamentally, Aoba split because of his childhood trauma. These other parts aim to protect him but they too experience their own pain, have preferences, and have desires. Aoba must come to understand himself and no longer fear Desire if he is to succeed in any route. In other words, Aoba needs to obtain healthy system communication and functioning. By the end of the game, some of his dissociative barriers have lowered. He is able to recall parts of his past that were blocked and can accept Desire as a part of himself. It’s imperfect but a depiction of DID that has a lot of heart to it.

3. Nostalgia and Trauma
Here I get into the very personal reader response stuff. If you just want a discussion of Aoba, feel free to leave the article here. This is more akin to a diary entry and goes into my experience playing Dramatical Murder at 14 and 22.

I have made it known here that I have experiences with trauma. For about a year and a half I’ve been doing some research into structural dissociation and considering my experiences of identity confusion. I don’t talk about it much online and I don’t plan to go into detail here. I do not need to tell the internet about my every journal entry, meticulous tracking of my thoughts and moods, and my progress reading through clinical texts. I questioned if OSDD-1B could be an issue I’m experiencing and, after time spent sitting on it, I’ve determined it’s most likely not. However, I do experience secondary structural dissociation and have identified some parts of self (emotional parts) that I need to address.

I played Dramatical Murder for the first time during a part of my life I no longer properly remember. Most of age 14 is a blur for me. I know some things that happened, but much of it is a complete blank. There are multiple months I cannot remember. Many details of my childhood are also fuzzy. At the time, Aoba didn’t grab me on the basis of his psychology. I liked him for other elements of his character. He’s kind and immediately likable but he has a bit of an edge to him that can be seen over hours of the story.

Coming back to it now felt like getting doused by a bucket of ice water. I’d actually forgotten large parts of Dramatical Murder’s plot, including many details of his DID. I won’t say Aoba was a perfect reflection of what I’ve experienced, but some of it is familiar. Particularly his process of communicating with no issue as a child, internal conflicts, and coming to recognize those parts again.

When I started having more overt symptoms of dissociation, I would talk to and write with myself. One part wanted to reject others and lash out in an attempt to protect us. I disagreed and tried to cling to older ideals of relationships. There was an incident where our journal used for communication was found. I won’t get into detail but… it was not pretty. I stopped communicating after that. The only time I acknowledged or thought of that other part was in moments of extremely high stress. Now as I’ve taken some time to research, I’ve been able to start a line of communication to some degree.

I find it hard to talk about this stuff. For a long time I experienced an intense sense of shame and fear over it. Talking to my therapist about it feels like forcing a rock out my throat. I’m scared of how she’ll respond. Even now… I’m not sure what I should even call all this. I have this experience of not always being me. In quite a literal sense, I don’t think who I am now at 22 is who I was at 16. I feel like I got stuck while someone else moved on. Or alternatively, he got stuck while I moved on. But what that is… OSDD-1B or some weird CPTSD experience… I don’t really know.

Coming back to Aoba with these newly contextualized experiences is so strange. Back when I was 14, I didn’t relate to any of the DID stuff at all. Now it feels painfully familiar as I’ve gone through a whole process of internal conflict and attempts to create some sort of organization in my head. I will not describe what parts I have but there’s dynamics and conflicts there that I do have to work with. I distinguish most days between a “loud brain” or a “quiet brain.” How many directions am I being pulled? What can I hear in the back of my head? How fast and how loud are the emotions that flit through?

Ultimately with this it was just… nice to think about this in a slightly less complicated way. It was nice to just enjoy a story that is a decent depiction of DID, trauma, and how hard those internal conflicts can be. Like I said earlier, relatability is not my only lens. Yet, when isolation, shame, and fear are characteristic of an experience, relatability hits.

I’m ultimately really glad I came back to Dramatical Murder. It’s not just the music, story, art, world, and themes that have held up after all this time. Aoba has only become more compelling and important with my aging. Art and characters have potential to help us feel less alone. Or at least, it has made me feel a little less alone. I need that right now.